how many of you wondered what happened to cibo? and have you checked out that new place zitouni (surprisingly pronounced zi-too-nee and not zai-too-ni) that’s opened up in its place?

i did with my buddy deth, his wife naf, and our two perpetually broke pals amboffulhu and dhamboffulhu. we are discussing something mildly serious: the average man being more physically powerful than the average woman. and it’s got to the point where they’ve all accused me of being sexist.

‘there’ll be plenty of women who’re stronger than you,’ says deth.

‘yeah but i’ll still be stronger than the average woman,’ i reply.

‘the average woman doesn’t exist,’ says amboffulhu and dhamboffulhu nods in agreement. ‘it’s a mathematical construct.’

‘look, can you guys at least order before you argue?’ says naf.

and so we do.

the menu is like a total ripoff of cibo’s – there’s chicken rice, cashew nut chicken, kang kung beef, everything! is it owned by the same people? because cibo can definitely sue these guys for stealing their whole schtick. the affordable prices even.

after some thought, i decide on the zitouni chicken rice.

once we’ve ordered, the boys and i resume our argument.

‘do you guys know the bell curve?’ i ask.

‘do you?’ asks dhamboffulhu.

‘it’s shaped like this,’ i draw it on the table with my finger.

‘and?’

‘most people end up within this band,’ i say. ‘and i’m saying of those ladies and guys ending up within this band, the guys will be more physically powerful.’

‘there’re too many variables,’ says amboffulhu. ‘it’s not that simple.’

‘well, what about people who go to the gym?’

‘what about them?’ asks dhamboffulhu.

‘who do you think would, on average, lift heavier weights? men or women?’

‘whom,’ says deth.

‘you’re still not saying anything factual about the world,’ says dhamboffulhu and amboffulhu nods.

i soon realise that this is going nowhere. but the lord knows i’m no misogynist, ask samfa! but to my younger friends i am quite the antiquated boomer.

so, i turn my critical eye to my meal, which the server has placed before me.

there is a lot of meat, and i do mean a LOT. it is moist, tender, the skin slightly charred, a little sweet, all that you could want from a chicken. the broth can use more flavour tho, and the chilli paste tastes off.

‘what are you mumbling?’ asks deth.

‘oh, try this chili paste,’ i say putting some on his plate. ‘it tastes off.’

‘off?’ asks deth.

‘yeah, like it doesn’t taste like the usual chili paste,’ i explain.

‘hmm,’ he says, and nods. then, he returns to his nasi goreng.

‘how is it?’ i ask.

‘this is good, i really like the fried egg, it wasn’t cooked through.’

‘that’s our bar,’ i tell him.

‘and they should put YOU BEHIND bars mr sexist critic,’ says deth and amboffulhu and dhamboffulhu begin to grin while naf rolls her eyes.