it’s a lazy friday. sampaafulhu and i are on the sofa watching ‘it’s always sunny’.

‘i wish we had a snack,’ she says.

‘savoury or sweet?’ i ask.

‘foni.’

i recall seeing a brand of gourmet popcorn on the gram, @popcoral.official. well, that’s not entirely true – these are some enterprising young people i know who’ve told the world that they’re debuting their popcorn today at 4 pm. and it’s a quarter past already.

so i shoot them a DM. it takes them a while to respond though – cos they’re probably innundated with orders. anyhow, i ask them for a taster, and they are on it. cos i’m husenfulhu, after all.

‘how long will it take?’ asks samfa.

‘a few minutes, don’t worry.’

i get a DM from them. they want me to pick it up, i guess cos it’s a free taster.

‘this doesn’t bode well,’ says samfa but i ignore her and get a fahi ride (cos i lost avas) to collect my popcorn.

on the ride, my driver talks about how the youth are going to shit with crystal math.

‘they’ve joined wamco so they can steal steel to maintain their habit,’ he says.

steal steel is a cool phrase, i think.

‘did you say something?’ my driver asks me.

‘no, nothing.’

‘the youth are doomed,’ he tells me again.

my friend meets me at the location. he nods at me and looks around, as if trying to spot someone.

‘looking for husenfulhu?’ i ask.

‘how’d you know?’

‘i am he,’ i say with a sense of import.

‘oh,’ he says looking very disappointed. ‘k, here’s your taster.’ he hands me a package and runs off.

back home i give samfa the taster.

‘was it for free?’ she asks.

‘obviously.’

‘wonderful,’ she says and begins to open it up. there are three flavours, and we start with the birthday cake.

‘love the crunch,’ she says. ‘but not a fan of the flavour.’

‘it does taste like cake though, nice and buttery with frosting on top,’ i say and samfa nods.

then we try the silky caramel.

‘my god,’ says samfa. ‘this is BEAUtiful.’

and it is truly that, great caramel taste, lovely crunch, and the popcorn flavour comes through nicely. excellent. we make short work of it while on TV frank collects the toll from the nightman.

last, we open the cinnamon roll pack and let me add that the labelling is pretty good on all three. well done, guys.

‘this is easily the best,’ says samfa. and it is excellent, the cinnamon taste is on point, it’s not overly sweet, and of course, there’s the crunch that’s fast becoming a trademark.

‘so, what do you say?’ i ask samfa. ‘do they deserve a good review on husenfulhu?’

‘they deserve an excellent review.’

‘all right, i’m on it.’

the closest thing i had to this was joe and seph’s popcorn, and popcoral is at least in the same league. a true champion of the sun. they deserve an export subsidy, too. oh yes, let’s flood our neighbours with great popcorn. maybe strike a deal with the imaxes of the world. maybe i should do their marketing. fuck the maldives market, this stuff is worldclass. we could be making millions.

‘you’re breathing on my neck,’ says sampaafulhu. ‘i can’t hear the TV. calm down.’

i start counting backwards from 100.

the next day, i get some cinnamon roll popcorn from the guys and take it to dhaleyka’s. she’s a chef, in case you don’t know.

‘you gotta try this,’ i say without showing her the packaging. she takes out some corn.

‘it’s butterscotch, right?’ she asks me.

‘no man,’ i show her the branding.

‘huh, it needs more cinnamon flavouring,’ she says.

i give some to zakariya and zubeyru. zakariya is a homecook and zubeyru runs his own culinary business.

‘too sweet,’ says zakariya. ‘is it caramel?’

‘cinnamon,’ i tell him. ‘you think everything’s too sweet.’

‘it needs more crunch,’ says zubeyru. ‘it’s touched by humidity.’

‘i’ll tell my peeps,’ i say, gobbling down the rest of it. in spite of everything that’s been said by these critics, whose palates i regard higher than my own, i’ve really come to love popcoral.